So you’re stressed, I get that but have you worked out EXACTLY what’s stressing you? I know that sounds silly because it might seem obvious but in fact allot of the time it’s not. Let me explain. You might say that you’re stressed with work but what does that mean? Are you stressed because of the people at work? The journey to work? The work itself doesn’t suit you? The boss and you don’t get on? What EXACTLY is it that makes you feel stressed.
Taking some time to really think through exactly what the stressors are is a great step to then better understanding what you have to do to overcome the problem. It’s a bit like trying to fix your car when you don’t know what’s wrong with it. Where do you start? Same with stress. Sit down and really take some time to think about and write down specifically what stresses you. If it’s people at work, who, why, how, when? If it’s the work, is it all of it? Some of it? Which part? Be specific and then you can be specific about how you resolve it.
Smiles, Ziggy

I’m going to buck the trend here. A holiday is NOT the answer to the stress problems. Yeah I know. A holiday is supposed to be something we all long for because it supposedly refreshes, rejuvenates us and makes us bright cheerful little bunnies again when we’ve apparently been grumpy, tired folks. Sure, a good holiday certainly gets us away from the madding crowd and variety is indeed the spice of life but the fact remains that when you come back home, the stress issues are still there usually. You might be better able to cope with them, but you haven’t solved the problem.
So why am I being so negative? It’s not so much negative as realistic. And much as I would encourage folks to have a holiday (it certainly does usually recharge the ol’ batteries) you also need to look at why you’re stressed in the first place and try and eliminate the problem at the source rather than treat the symptoms with a holiday.
Stress has a nasty habit of creeping up on you and then slowly building in strength till you snap. If you can identify what’s making you stressed to begin with, clear that away as much as possible and then go on holiday, you can come home to a stress reduced situation and make the most of the recharged batteries.
Smiles as always, Ziggy

So you’re stressed, we get that but when did you last make plans to be stress free, relaxed and enjoying life?
There’s a saying that goes something like, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail” and essentially it means that without a clear, defined and active set of goals, you’re life will end up where ever it chooses to go instead of where you choose to take it. I know we all hear so much about goals and how to make them and why they’re important and I know many of you say “yeah, yeah, whatever!” But the fact remains, and research clearly shows us, that people with a clear set of achievable goals are more relaxed and at peace with their lives than those who don’t have any defined goals.
The process of writing down your goals and reading them again every day activates a part of your brain that turns a nebulous idea into a real and tangible “thing” and with a real thing to focus on, the brain goes ahead and has a go at making it happen. But if there’s no plan at all, it doesn’t even have anything to focus on and instead decides of its own accord usually to focus on negative worries and woes. Brains are like that, stupid and will go off on their own little journey if you let them. That’s why meditation is so hard because the brain just wants to do its thing and not your thing! But after training and practice, eventually the brain can meditate and focus on what you tell it too.
So, instead of focusing on the worries, focus on creating and making your goals happen. That doesn’t mean the worries disappear, of course not. Goals aren’t magic wands but they are tools to help you steer your brain where you want it to go rather than let it be the navigator and run full throttle at all the crap and worry it can drive through.
Smiles as always, Ziggy

Sometimes we have to accept we’re sad, lonely, frustrated or whatever before we can actually move forward. We just need to grieve before we can do anything productive.
A wonderful friend of mine confided to me last week her personal situation and after discussion we determined that that yes she’s stressed but crumbs she’s also hurting badly. No matter how much we considered taking action, it was obvious that she had to take time out to experience her sadness first, get that out of her system, before she was ready to sit down and plan her way out of the nasty situation she’s in.
We all talk so much about resolving stress, about reducing and managing stress but we forget that sadness, hurt and pain don’t just go away. It’s a dam pain in the arse but they have to be experienced and processed before they will dissipate. I HATE it when I’m sad and upset but I also realise that if I try and suffocate that feeling, if I bury it, it will never go away and it just bubbles under the surface. If instead I accept I’m sad and let it wash over me (not for too long of course!) then it has a chance to work its way out so it reaches the surface and can be released.
So, let’s make sure that when we resolve stressors, we also acknowledge the feelings that go with stress and work them through too. Give yourself a timeframe to go through sadness and let it work its way out of your system instead of burying it. That timeframe can be dependent on the severity of the situation of course but the key principle is to experience the feelings so they can be released and go away so you can then get on with the job and managing the stress.
Smiles, Ziggy

Stress comes packaged up with a bunch of emotions like anger, resentment, hurt, frustration and these emotions can be powerful toxins in your life, literally stripping life’s joys from each day. We can learn to manage the stress and deal with the mechanics of it all but the painful emotions can linger and cancel out any mechanical wins we get from stress elimination. So it’s really important to cope with the stress but to also acknowledge and manage the emotions that come with that stress too. But how?
One way is to draw the emotions. Many years ago when I was teaching pre-schoolers how to cope with anxiety and trauma, I used a technique whereby I asked them to get the crayons out and draw how they felt. Kids that age often can’t find the words to express how they feel because they don’t have the verbal capacity to do so and adults can often find the same problems, regardless of how educated they might be. But we can all draw. It may not be a Van Gogh but it’s still a powerful way to express how you feel.
Drawing our pain, drawing a picture of ourselves and the emotions on the same piece of paper can be a way to put the emotion into some kind of reality as opposed to a nebulous and far away concept that we can’t quite get to grips with. By turning that confused emotion into a real thing, drawn on some paper you can really “see” it and begin to work out how to cope with it. You can also see how it relates to you and how big it is in comparison to yourself.
Try drawing yourself first (even a stick figure will do) and then draw the emotion you feel. It may be a huge black cloud that envelopes you, it may be a piece of lightening attacking you, it may be a nasty itch or a giant insect or a vicious monster. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, just draw what your heart feels.
When you’ve done that, step back and take a look at your picture. How big is the emotion compared to the drawing you did of yourself? How nasty or dramatic is that emotion? What does the picture of that emotion remind you of? With the picture drawn and the emotion now on paper instead of locked inside you, the drawing often helps to begin the process of regaining control and healing the emotion because suddenly you can see the emotion and get to grips with it instead of having it as some mysterious ghost feeling lingering somewhere you can’t quite reach.
With the drawing completed, you’re in a better position to work out how to heal from the emotion (that’s another great many blog posts) but it’s often interesting to draw the emotion again a couple of months later after you’ve done some healing and compare the before and after pictures.
So it may sound like it’s a technique only for little kids and yep it’s useful for them, but it’s also incredibly useful for the grownups too. So get the crayons out and give it a go. You may be surprised.
Smiles, Ziggy

In my last post I suggested that talking is a great way to minimise and manage stress but it’s true that in many cases you can’t talk to the person who maximises your stress or the ‘thing’ or ‘situation’ that causes the stress so what do you do then? You write a letter. You don’t have to post it but writing it none the less has a massive impact on your ability to look at and cope with the situation.
While talking is the best option, a great way to help relieve tension, minimise stress, unload some emotional pain is to write it down. The physical act of writing is cathartic and genuinely helps you to do two things;
1. Sort out the problem into a tangible set of circumstances in your own head so you can see things logically instead of emotionally and,
2. Shares the load and releases some of the pent up tension.
So, I’d encourage you to organise a time when you won’t be disturbed and depending on the severity of the situation, this may be 30 mins or it may be several hours. Lock yourself away somewhere alone and start writing your letter to the person or to the situation.
Dear Boss,
I just want to tell you exactly how I fell about….
Or
Dear dam computer,
I’m going to write down here why getting what feels like 50 million stupid emails from a bunch of people with nothing better to do makes me feel…
Or
Dear home life,
I know you’re not a real person or something tangible but I have to write down how you are making me feel…
Take as long as you like to write the letter. Let the words just flow. It doesn’t matter about spelling or grammar or punctuation or any of that technical stuff. This is your chance to really write how you feel and feelings don’t care if the full stop is in the right place or if you spelt the word ‘stupid’ as ‘stoopid’. Letters don’t care if you swear or if you cry and the tears stain the paper and make the ink run. Just write it and keep writing till you have nothing left to say. If you cry, sobeit, if you get upset, sobeit, write about that too. Write it all, just keep writing till you have nothing left to write about.
When it’s finished, you have some couple of choices. If the situation warrants it and your letter isn’t abusive or derogatory, then you can share it with someone who can help or with the person it was written to. Be careful with this one though because you also have to have a productive and positive plan about making things right to go with the letter.
Or you can keep the letter and read it again tomorrow, and again next week and add to it if you need to. One day it may well be that it doesn’t well up in you anymore the same degree of pain and you know then that you can let it go.
Alternatively it may be that once you’ve written the letter, you feel better enough to let it go straight away and get on with making the situation right. If so, throw the letter away and know it did it’s job already.
Writing a letter is a fantastic way to ‘get it off your chest’ when you can’t actually talk the issue out. So if it’s not possible to sit down and chat the issue through with someone, go and get that pen and paper and start writing it all down. Go on, what are you waiting for!
Smiles,
Ziggy

My Mum always used to say “don’t bottle things up, they just get worse and eventually explode”. A bit like warm, shaken bottles of Coke I guess. She was right though and talking about issues is a way to help manage stress in two ways.
1. Very often we feel stressed over a number of things but we haven’t really worked 0out all the things that stress us so the stressors remain this bunch of stuff that stays as a nebulous mass, a big grey cloud over our lives. Talking about it, helps your own brain sort out exactly what the stressors are so you’ve got a clearer idea and the result is a more logical problem that the begin can cope with. Talking it through turns the big grey cloud into some dark patches but patches with edges you can actually see.
2. As you talk through the stress, just like talking about any painful issue, the sharing helps to ease the emotional load. It can even open up pathways to ideas about coping that you would never have reached if you’d kept quiet. So by talking, you clarify the problem (number 1) and then you share it and mi9nimise the load a little (number 2).
So before you explode like the Coke bottle, open the lid, share the load, talk it out.
Smiles, Ziggy

Most of us already instinctively understand the power that colour has over our moods and behaviours. We might laugh or take for granted sayings like the “red car goes faster”, a “black” mood, feeling “blue”, “in the pink” or even “through rose coloured glasses”. However, the truth is that colour has a very definite effect on our moods and so we can use colour to help manage stress.
If work is a place you hate going, next time you go in, check out the major colours in your workplace. Is it predominantly grey or a depressing colour? Has it got cold or bold colours that clash with the colours you personally like?
Many research studies highlight the importance that colour plays in our life so it might be worth spending a little bit of time just looking at the colours in the places where you tend to get upset, angry, fidgety, depressed or generally negative. If you’re able to, change the colour scheme to something you like or that is a little kinder. If you can’t change it, bring to the room a colour you do like, even if it’s just flowers or a photo frame or even a rug to throw over the back of your chair.
Warm colours, pastels and soft shades are the colours more likely to bring peace rather than anger so next time you’re feeling stressed, take two minutes out to check if the colours around you are contributing to the situation and see what you can do to bring the colours you like back into your spaces.
Smiles, Ziggy

I’m intrigued by the legitimate psychological notion that change will only occur where the person is committed to that change. It reminds me of the old joke…
How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what the light bulb wants to be changed into.
The point made in this behavioural theory is that people are motivated to do things for two reasons.
1. Because it gives them something, a reward of some description or
2. Because it removes pain of some sort.
Now this is interesting and what it means is that whatever we do, we do it because it either helps us gain something (happiness, money, peace or whatever the reward is) or it helps eliminate some form of pain.
So the really tough question is this. If stress is really messing with your head and you haven’t changed that situation yet, what reward is the stress giving you or what other pain does that stress eliminate? It’s a tough question to ask because it means really going within yourself and identifying if you truly want to change or not. Let me give you an example…
Jane goes to work each day and hates it because she feels harassed, bullied and her self esteem gets a real hammering but she stays there and keeps subjecting herself to the same stress day in and day out. Why? Of course there’s a myriad of answers but it may be that she’s afraid that if she gives up work in this economical climate, that she may not get another job and be able to pay the bills. So staying at a crappy job is actually helping her avoid an even worse pain of not having any money. The job serves purpose number two so while she grizzles about the job, the potential pain of the alternative keeps her there.
So, if you are facing stress and you haven’t done anything about it, could it be that you’re;
1. Actually getting something from the stress (perhaps feeling like a martyr makes you feel worthwhile and useful) or
2. Is it “better the devil you know” and the fear of the alternative keeps you from change?
Interesting questions isn’t it?
Smiles,
Ziggy

Stress comes with lots of life impacts and one of those is unplanned dietary changes. Some people tend to loose their appetite while others use food as a comfort mechanism and over eat, then put on weight and stress over that too.
Being a confessed food addict, I’m the worst person to preach on this aspect of stress but what I will suggest is that a change in eating pattern is a great clue or symptom that can alert you to mounting stress. Sometimes stress creeps up on us (or worse, we ignore and deny it) but diet changes can be a real signpost that should make you sit up and take notice. There’s nothing like a extra few kilos to make you even more fed up!
So, keep an eye on what you’re eating. Are you eating more sugar than normal, more chocolate (classic symptom of stress in many women) or relying on more junk food? Alternatively has your appetite just died and you have to force food into yourself? If so, stop, take some time to figure out why. Take notice of the new or changed stressors and until you’ve figured out how to remove or reduce that stress, at least take note of what goes in your mouth. At least you can then feel in control of something!
Smiles, Ziggy

I’ve been researching today the best massage table to buy so I can provide Reiki consults and it got me thinking about the pros and cons of relaxation massage as a short term support mechanism for stress.
What intrigues me personally is that I’ve never found massage particularly relaxing and in fact I find it quite stressful. Not sure why but I wonder if it’s because someone is touching me and I may not know them and I find that a little uncomfortable. In addition I have terribly tender skin that bruises easily so strong massage actually hurts and causes me tissues damage. And I also get really annoyed at the massage oil getting into my hairline and it just feels… well, yucky. However I’m aware that many other folk find a massage to be a wonderfully relaxing experience and all power to them.
But on thinking this all through I came to the conclusion that massage may well be a great means of temporary therapy, a sort of escapism and relaxation modality for the muscles and mind, but it doesn’t solve the problem, just provides a bandaid to the symptoms. I’m reminded that naturopathic healing is underpinned with several philosophies, one of which states that practitioners must treat the cause and not the symptoms, so while a massage might bring temporary relief, I don’t think it can be used as a total therapy or worse still as an excuse not to explore longer term therapies.
Smiles as always, Ziggy

You’ve all heard the less than sympathetic suggestions when someone is stressed or even depressed. “Just snap out of” or “pull yourself together” or “tomorow is another day”. What rot!
The dam stress is still there tomorow as well and “snapping out of it” just isn’t an option. Wouldn’t the world be a great place if we could “just snap out of it”. If that was the case, my teenager would have snapped out of her bedroom bedlum phase, the nextdoor neighbour would have snapped out of his grumpy old man syndrome, the dog would have snapped out of his “I must fart when sleeping at her feet” paradigm.
I’m being flippant I know but I guess what I’m saying here is that it’s important NOT to feel guilty if you don’t “just snap out of it”. It’s not something you usually can snap out of. It takes a bit of work, determination and sometimes a commitment to say “no” to the constant demands on yourself.
So the next time someone tells you to “snap out of it”, ask them to just snap out of their lack of empathy with you and see how they feel about such a tactless comment.
Smiles for a stress controlled day,
Ziggy

Have you talked with your doctor or health professional about how you’re feeling? Doing so can be a sensational way to share the load and to learn about some other ways to cope. Going to see the doc doesn’t necessarily mean being prescribed medication but it can be a way to connect with sources of support and help you might otherwise have dismissed or not knwon about.

Your doc can also check to make sure there’s no medical underlying issues upsetting your system and making your stressful situation even worse. Please make the time to see your healthcare professional to check your general health.

Yep, might sound a little old fashioned but research shows if you can squirrel away some time to spend on a hobby you love, it really helps when you need to cope with stress and difficult situations. Spending time on hobbies acts a little like meditation in that devoting your brain to a single activity enables it to rest and not overwork during that time. Little spells of this brain rest time go a long way in helping it cope when the going gets tough.

Yep, if you’ve not done meditation ever or for a while, it does take practice and it can take commitment to learn but it’s well worth it. Meditation stills the mind and allows it to have a breather for a few minutes. This helps your ability to concentrate when needed and feel more in control of your emtotions.

If meditation is especially difficult for you, try guided meditations. There’s a tonne of CD’s on line that have calming guided meditations so you can throw the CD in the player or download one to your iPod and listen to the words. These meditations are a Godsend for folk who find it difficult to do self designed meditation

There’s a great deal of medical evidence now that says stress and even depression can be minimised with the help of regualr exercise. Exercise helps the muscles of the body rid themselves of toxins which build up after repeated episodes of stress. So try and spend 30 mins every day or at least every other day doing some deliberate and active exercise.

Sleep is a two way street. Having enough sleep can help you cope with stress but an excess or lack of it is often a result of stress. So keep an eye on your hours and quality of sleep.

It’s really important to make time for sleep. Too many late nights can make matters spiral downwards and increase the likelihood that you’ll erupt in anger or tears. If you’ve got dark circles under your eyes and you’re constantly feelin tired, it’s time to evaluate your sleep patterns.

Try not to take sleeping pills. While they may be helpful on the odd occasion, their continued use can lead to dependancy, less than good quality sleep in the long term and the body develops a habit of what I call ‘plastic” instead of real sleep. If you really need some help in this area, please go and see your doctor and also consider natural sleep enhancers from a naturopath.

Regardless of where you are (work, home, school, a friends’ house or whatever) there’s always a way to have a bit of time out and catch your breath so you can cope better.

1. Stop and breathe deeply for 20 seconds. Just doing that can bring you a new sense of calm and control.
2. If you can’t get away from folk at all, go to the bathroom! Excuse yourself and spend five mins in the bathroom. The peace and quiet just for a few moments can help you settle the anger, worry, nerves, upset or whatever is starting to eat at you.
3. If you can go outside into a garden for a few minutes, so much the better. Research tells us that a bit of connection with nature goes a long way to settling stress.

A quick bit of time out is a great way to take the heat out of an uncomfortable situation.